Not such a tame world....

Coming to you LIVE....

From Rodent-ville -- it's the "Theresa loses her marbles" show!

OK. So I haven't done anything completely crazy yet. But after talking with Michael tonight, I think we're about to. After telling Tabitha the other day that she needed to start on the "research your rodent" project and become an expert to convince me what type would be the best for her -- I got sucked into the internet for about 1.5 hours tonight doing my own research. And I had so much work paperwork to do too. <Sigh> See way down below. I've been pleasantly surprised by how she'd thrown herself into this project. Apparently at recess today, she spent the entire time hand copying information from one of her friends who brought a "Caring for your Hamster" book to school at her request. Considering that this is my child who absolutely hates to write anything -- I'd say that's some serious dedication. So I kind of felt like I needed to work on being my own stealth expert.

Good Lord! I now know way more than I wanted to. For instance, guinea pigs do better in pairs and they need more space than I realized. They also have a tendency to eat their own poop. [All together now... Oooooo! Gross!! ] They might live as long as 14 years but the average is 5. [I sure don't want to get saddled with a geriatric Guinea pig as Tab reaches high school. Four geriatric cats is bad enough.] Hamsters are more nocturnal and have carnivorous tendencies. Don't put more than one in a cage because you'll either have lots of babies or they'll kill one another. They might live as long as three years, or maybe not.... Gerbils. Just don't go there. Too small. Too excitable. Too likely to be eaten. I did however find a link to a blast from the past here. During the end of my second year of medical school, there were times I had to go see this nightly, just for the stress relief....

So since Mom sent money for us to do the shopping for Tabitha, Michael & I started to think about getting her started with a hamster & equipment as the Christmas present from my parents. I don't know. I'm thinking that tomorrow night, for "Date Night" Michael & I will be hitting the aisles of Petsmart for some more research time.  There is a certain bit of "Gee Whiz Coolness" in the idea of surprising her with this instead of making her wait until late January to get started. The logistics of pulling this surprise off are going to be a bit tough, but I'm sure we'll figure something out.

On the one hand, I really do want to be supportive and allow Tabitha the opportunity to have "something of her own" to care for. On the other, I'm skeptical that this entire rodent experiment won't end in some sort of catastrophe. And I'm having some trouble with the entire "rodent squeamish" aspect of things. Now I know why my Mom refused to let me have a hamster at the age of 8. It completely makes sense now!

After talking with some of "The Girls" yesterday, I really think that some of Tabitha's new found interest in caring for her own critter is a way that she's starting to process some of the latter stages of loss in her life. That's the unhappy part of adoption that doesn't always get brought up. All of the parts in the adoption triangle have some very significant losses that can't be ignored. The birth family loses a child. The child obviously loses the birth family. And the adoptive family usually has had losses of their own ranging from loss of the opportunity to have a genetically related child, to infertility, and in our case, the loss of knowing about Tabitha's early years. And of late, Tabitha has been doing a lot of deep thinking. She's not talking so much, but from her demeanor & the questions she's asked, I sense that she's trying to put together all the bits of the framework that make up her own unique life story. So if having a pet, even a hamster, will help her do it -- I guess that just means that I'm going to suck it up & figure out a way to make it work.

[I've done 15 appointments so far this week. Five today alone. Today was a Weatherford to Denton kind of day. I got pulled over by the police in Fort Worth for an expired inspection sticker this morning too. Sadly, I hadn't realize that it was up on 12/1 so I felt like an idiot. When I explained that I'm a traveling doctor and that I was on my way to see an elderly couple -- and I must have looked like I was about to cry, because I really did feel like it -- he had a little mercy & just gave me a warning. Guess what I've got to try to work into the schedule over the next couple of days.... ]

Not much to report....

Because I've been working too hard to get into any mischief. Seriously. My medical examiner job has exploded and for this week I've got 20 cases scheduled. Ouch. My Monday morning started at 5:30am and the day ended at 11pm. Looks like it'll be a 7a to 11:30p kind of day for today and probably most of the week.

Yesterday was a tough day to be one of my friends. Mostly because you were probably talking to my voice mail, or you fell & visited the hospital, or you had sick kids, or in general you were cold & working too hard. Like I said it was a tough day. A blurb I sent The Girls last night: So Girlies! After 5 appointments, about 4 hours driving in the fog in DFW, 3 unexpected manip patients (H & M got "popped" too), 2 sick kiddos, that equals 1 worn out Me. I would so love the five gold rings -- but please -- hold the partridge....

Going to get the papers prepped for tomorrow's people & then crawl into bed. That is, if Pixel will get off my lap long enough for me to work....

Today was a bit more humane. Actually managed to get the oil changed in the Jeep. Not bad since it was nearly 10,000 miles over due. [Seriously. And I do know better. Dad, Remember the timing belt on Berry??] It's been cold, icky, blech for the past few days & the forecast doesn't improve for awhile. So while Tab & I did the after school trip to Wally-World and waited on the Jeep, we shopped the store. Did lots of restocking and she had a blast being the checker-outer at the self-serve register. SO there was some entertainment value there. Best part of the visit? That would be Tab's stellar behavior AND the new windshield wipers. :-) After 4 years, it was probably time for a new pair and at 2 for $9, installed even!

Last week, my brother hit a non-milestone birthday. He lived and we commiserated about grey hair. Since I've been friends with Nice & Easy #112 for almost 20 years, you'd think I'd be safe -- but not so. Turns out this past weekend I was traumatized to find a couple of completely white eyebrow hairs. They were plucked into oblivion and I continue in denial.

Last weekend, my great aunt turned 83 -- and I forgot to call or send a card. Guess I'll need to make amends.... In my free time....

And Sunday, Tab and I proceeded to have a battle of the wills, naturally, while we were at the local "Brunch with Santa". Timing is every thing and this kid has an innate ability to pick the best [or worst - depending on perspective] times to act out. We all lived, but only by the grace of God.

And today, I've actually had time to check e-mail and surf a bit and found this thru the link of a link of a link....

http://relativechoices.blogs.nytimes.com/

I found myself completely entranced by the reading. I seem to worry more about how Tabitha will feel about being adopted once she's older and decides she wants to start her own family.  Last week was struggles with "poor planning on your part is not an emergency on my part." This week it appears that she's struggling with the issue of wanting something of her very own that she can take care of. Really take care of. Like have her own pet that is hers to parent. 

I suspect that tonight started us down the slippery slope of adding a small rodent-type creature to our home. Whatever type it is -- it will be the most mental creature ever, living in a house of 6 cats.... And Brie is the best hunter....so tragically you can see the foreshadowing on this situation. <Sigh> I bought her a magazine that compares & contrasts all those things like gerbils, hamsters, etc. Apparently if cost were no object, then she & Michael are interested in getting a chinchilla. Me? I vote for a beta fish, but those are not cuddly enough it seems.... Any input before I potentially do something extremely stupid?? I told her that it will be at least a month before she's done enough research & become an expert enough to answer my questions. That if this is something she really wants, then she has to pay for it with her own money. She's responsible for all the care. [I know! I know! Famous Last Words....<sigh> ] I will keep you posted as this story develops. You might start praying now for whatever hapless critter ends up here. It'll need all the help it can get....

That's most of the entertaining stuff anyway. I'll post when able....

Oy! The Joys of Adoption....

A good friend & I have been talking off & on this week, about the differences we run into with our daughters as they grow up. I have one, now 9 years old whom we adopted at 7 + years old. My friend has two biological girls, 6 & 10.

One of her comments has just really stuck with me over the past few days and it was something to the effect of, "Some people just don't realize how easy they have it, that their answers to their kids' questions can be so simple."

The conversation came about because Tabitha has become very preoccupied lately with how tall she'll be when she grows up. She has her friends Misses E & H to compare herself to and since both of them have suddenly had bursts of height lately, I can tell that Tabitha is wondering when she's "going up" so to speak.

So at her tender age of 9, I'm having to tackle that whole entire nature vs. nurture argument as well as genetics & reproduction at her level of course. With the take home message being that odds are she's probably not going to be more than 5'1" or 5'2" and that Misses E & H are most likely both going to be taller than her. Needless to say, that's not sitting well with my intensely competitive child.

Just when I think she's finally grasped the concepts, she brings me back down to earth with "Well, you & Daddy are both taller than Mrs. K & Mr. M, and you're my parents - so why won't I be tall like you?" Yeah. You want to take a tackle at that conversation? Let me know if you think of something that works....

And really growth charts don't usually lie. Barring something unexpected, based on the growth that I've been plotting this year -- she really is headed for about 5'1" to 5'2".  She's had amazing catch up growth; gained a fair amount of weight (all muscle) and gone up 2 inches, but I'm afraid she's most likely going to be shopping in the petites department as she gets older. At 5'10", that's an area that I know little to nothing of.... But I have found an amazing seamstress & that will be useful! :-)

It's moments like this that make me feel insecure; that I don't have enough of a grip on this "adoption stuff." I know that because of Tabitha's lifestory thus far and the common references we have, to an outsider, some of our conversations must be absolutely outlandish -- and I'm not just talking about that time when we'd carry on full dialog switching back & forth between Russian & English. I do sort of miss those days.... <sigh> The vocabulary around our house alone would make some think that we're positively daft: Mama #1, Papa #1, Mama Tatiya, etc. But it works for us.

I do feel fortunate though, that by virtue of the fact that Tabitha was adopted as an older child, she was cognizant of our adoption and I don't have to be the one to "break the news" to her that she is adopted. She very clearly knows that fact, and on most days according to her, it was a "good thing". Just don't ask on the days when she's being held accountable for her behavior or lack there of.... She's not really aware of the process involved to get her home, but that's all just "stuff" we'll get to as she gets older.

For right now, I'll just keep focusing on why she likes shoes with heels so much more than I do, and continue to live in dread of the day that school wants us to draw a "family tree"....

In honor of....

the final steps in the adoption of my dear friend's third daughter, I was inspired to create this scrapbook page from some photos that Ms. K has e-mailed me. Ms. K has her own blog and has nick-named her daughters "The Beans". Oldest to youngest are SugarBean, JumpingBean, & JellyBean. [For privacy reasons, I'm not able to link to the blog.]

And of course, because I know them...there is a story involved....

JellyBean's adoption was final as of Thursday, May 31st and I am so thrilled for the entire family. I have the privilege of having met JellyBean the day she was born and I helped care for her the first few days, in my prior life as a nursery hospitalist.

2005, the night before the pediatric board exam, I was standing in the middle of an OshKosh store at the Dallas Galleria, shopping for clothes to go to Tabitha on our much anticipated first trip to Russia, when my cell phone rang. It was Ms. K calling to wish me luck and I eagerly told her about this one little baby girl that I'd been seeing in the nursery....

Between & Betwixt, she would be needing a family to go home to, and since Ms. K & company were licensed foster parents, I wanted her to know what was going on before all the nurses pressured her to take JellyBean home. Turns out that it was love at first sight, and JellyBean won the lottery the day Ms. K met her in the nursery. I still remember the call a few days later when Ms K. let me know the latest news. She & Hubby were driving home from Target and an emergency shopping trip, since all the baby things from their older daughters had long since been given away. "Yup Theresa! I called Mr. K and told him that I'd found what I wanted for my birthday and that it wasn't very big at all. So guess what!?! I'm taking her home tomorrow!!!" JellyBean weighed in around 5 pounds at that point -- not so big at all.

It's been a long up & down ride ever since, both with regular baby issues but also multiple hospital visits including heart surgery. JellyBean is the definition of Spunky though and has gone though every event with grace. She continues to amaze us all and exceeds those early expectations. She is so dearly loved by her parents & two older sisters and she knows it, too!

Most of all, I am so happy that she has her Forever Family, forever now and that I will continue to watch her grow up.

So today, I had the afternoon happiness of Ms. K and the girls coming to visit, and was able to give her the layout that I had made. I was tremendously full of giggles, waiting for them to get to our house and I know that Ms. K loved her "original Theresa". I asked and she agreed that I could post a photo here -- without names or hyperlinks, of course. [You don't think that I'd write that whole story & then not show that layout, right?? Of course not, Silly!]

So here I show you.... The Bean Sisters!

There's a great deal of excitement around the house tonight!!!!

Because of a couple of recent developments on the adoption front.

I start to get giddy just thinking about them!

For starters....
The first family from this year's Bright Futures Camp is going to experience a very, very white Christmas this year, because they're already in Russia and their court date to finalize their adoption is scheduled for Thursday, 12/22/2005! Yippee!!

Most of us weren't expecting anyone to go on the second trip until after mid-January, so this is a tremendously happy surprise. Michael & I and the other families are waiting to hear how the process goes for "The First Family" because that may be an indicator for how smoothly, or not, the rest will go for us. The judge has the option to waive, or not, a mandatory 10 day waiting period to finalize the adoption. Then the local Russian passport office has the option, or not, to waive their 10 day waiting period to issue a new Russian passport with the child's American name. So the second trip is a total crapshoot as to whether it will be as short as 7-8 days, or as long as 21-30 days. (Can you even see me trying to pack for a 21 day trip in 15-20 degree weather -- very ugly just thinking about it!)

So Michael & I are thinking of this family, who's little boy happens to be one of Tabitha's buddies, and wishing them every bit of luck right now.

Second! Eeeeeep! Too exciting!
Long story very short.... We think that there may have been some "behind the scenes" negotiations, and if all goes well, we're hoping to talk with Tabitha by phone tomorrow just for a short 5 minutes or so. I asked Michael what he was going to say & his response was "I'll probably just be listening because what makes you think I'll get in a word. She'll just be chattering non-stop." Which is probably exactly what will happen. Keep your fingers crossed because the phone call itself has some interesting logistics.

Christmas 2005

Here's the link in case you missed it: NPR Texas Christmas Story

The more I read about the poverty the boy & his family had to live in, the more I thought of Masha. His appreciation of his orange reminded me so much of her and the other kids there at the orphanage.

I imagine that until her mother died, Christmas for her was a fairly regular Russian style event. Not so commercial as in the US; more about family & food & faith and less about things & gifts. This year will be her second Christmas in the orphanage and I have to think that there really isn't much in the way of celebration that will happen there. They really don't have the resources to do much more than probably a good meal and gather themselves together. And then I contrast that image with what the rest of her Christmases will be like in the future. And I feverently hope that we will be able to still keep the focus on the meaning of the holiday, the importance of family & tradition, and not so much on the "stuff". (Grandparents -- Be warned!)

It makes me very sad to know that she'll be on the other side of the world this year at the holidays, but I know that once she's home, she also won't be lacking for anything. And in a way, it is sad that she won't be here, but I also realize that the holidays are a stressful, overwhelming time for many people, including me. And perhaps in a way, it's better that she come home, after the craziness is done, and she has 8-10 months or so to learn some English before she has to handle her first American Christmas.

Michael & I have seen some ugly abject poverty this year in our travels, and I run into it on a daily basis with the families I encounter through my work, (In the year 2005, how is it that so many people in Fort Worth live without a phone or regular electricity, and how is it that they manage to take home a 5 pound preemie and care for the baby?) and so right now, today, I'm feeling very grateful for all that I have, all the family whom I have, and how well in the balance of things, life has treated me to this point.

We have a winner....

In the name game at least. We've decided that our little girl's name will be

Tabitha Anne-Marie Erwin

For awhile though, until she tells us otherwise, we'll keep calling her Masha. It seems heartless & cruel to me to suddenly take away the name that she's gone by for a while. With the name we chose, we hope that it will give her options in the future to go by what she likes. And as pointed out by my astute father-in-law, now Michael will have TAME x two on his hands.

Tabitha is a name that we could both agree on. Most of the others on the list Michael vetoed for one reason or another. We also both really liked that in 1998, Tabitha was ranked # 281 for girl's names according to the Social security Index. That way, when she does get called on in class, 10 other little girls won't be answering.

Anne / Ann has been a family middle name for a few generations now, so by following this tradition I'm hoping will help her feel connected into the family.

By the same token, Marie / Maria is the name her mother gave her, and is in fact the only thing that Masha still has from her mother. By connecting Anne & Marie with a hyphen I'm symbolically connecting Masha's past with her future.

And then Erwin obviously for the last name.

Whew! So glad that's settled. I now appreciate a little bit more the angst that people experience naming their children. This was a bit more anxiety-ridden than naming kittens.

My favorite two photos

My favorite two photos

Here are my favorite two photos from this trip, which I wanted to post but couldn't rotate to the correct position until I got home....

Shakespear asked....

What's in a name?

That might sum up the current dilemma. Michael is busy at work updating all the paperwork that needs updating & he just now informed me that one of the forms we have to get in by next week is our official petition to change Masha's name and drop her current Russian patronymic in exchange for her American name. No pressure!

So the question is, how does one go about choosing a name for a little girl who's been called Masha as long as she can remember? I kind of like "Masha" but Michael's not fond of it. My concern is that "Masha" would be confused with "Marcia" and those of us from the 70's will always associate "Marcia" with the Brady Bunch and the phrase "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!" Not the effect I'm looking for. The flip side is that I've referred to her as Masha in my mind for a few months now & it's difficult to think of her by any other name. I remember how relieved I was when we got her referral that her name wasn't Olga or Svetlana. I'm not a tremendous fan of "Maria" but I don't mind Marie so much.

When I tried to ask Masha about names her only input was that she liked "Maria" better than Masha. She pretty much said she didn't care what her name was as long as she got to go home. So after much local debate between me and the husband, we're still no closer to a name.

I went to the Social Security's website of popular names by year and that narrowed down a few choices, as I don't want her to be one of a gazillion "Emily's" or "Samatha's" both of which have always been favorite names of mine. Michael nixed "Ella" & "Natasha". When I asked Michael what he thought would sound good if she ever competed in Olympic level gymnastics he then pretty much, uhmmm.... dumped this decision in my lap and wandered off. Oy!

My current favorites include "Samantha", "Sabrina", "Tabitha", "Ekaterina" and "Emma". I have to admit I'm partial to "Tabitha Ekaterina" because then I could call her "Tabby Kat" for short!

To complicate this process, do we keep "Maria/Marie"? As the first name or a middle name? To a certain extent I feel obligated to keep the name as it's the only thing her mother gave her that she still has.... Do I fit "Ann/Anne" in there somewhere as that's been a popular family name/middle name, and there by maybe help her feel connected into our family? Do I have to limit this to just 3 names: first, middle, last -- or can I be like some of these crazy parents I deal with on a daily basis, who string together 4 names and a hyphenated last name? I don't know how people just pick out baby names without ever knowing the person getting the name? And I certainly never thought about picking out a name in such detail before. Of course there's the added pressure of time, and finding something that suits her personality, and doesn't screw her up for life because she doesn't like part or all of her name.

Like I said, "No Pressure"....

There's nothing like an 11 hour flight in coach....

To make you appreciate stretching room. Top that off with a crazed, insane obstacle course through Atlanta's airport (would we expect any less?) followed by yet another 1.5 hours on a plane back to DFW and you can safely assume that Michael & I are very happy to be home. Walked in the door at about 1930 pm. Counted cats, started unpacking, started the dishwasher & laundry and now.... I'm going to fall into bed since my body insists that it really is 6:30am Moscow time (9 hours difference).... More to post as I'm able....

And I'll try to update the captions on the Russian pictures sometime this week.

Hugs & Purrs
T.