Not such a tame world....

"Resistance is Futile - You will be assimilated...."

At least according to Michael these days....

Poor man. I try his patience so....

When we first met & started dating, I was an Apple girl & he was a Microsoft boy. It just was. I was deep in the heart of my Russian degree & Apple made the only Cyrillic keyboard at the time. So in the language lab, I was one of the "lone rangers" sitting on the Mac side.

Michael did his darnest to convert me, but it took a couple of years. And then once we were married, well - my computer upgrades consisted of his computer hand-me-downs, which meant I was firmly in the Microsoft world.

But when the iPod and the Nano came out in the early 2000s, Michael relented and bought me an iPod, in green of course.  I loved that little music player. The simplicity of its design. The elegance of the touch dial interface. And even Michael was delighted with the packaging it came in. It was like opening up a treasured jewel box.

Since then, I've continued on in my Microsoft based world, but I've had one eye cast longingly at every new item that Apple has come out with.

All of that coveting & longing really came to a head this past year. Tabitha became obsessed that she needed, had to have, "was going to die if she didn't get" an iPod Touch for her birthday. Which, Michael being the pushover he is, got her. Once it was in her hands, she started to show me all the nifty apps & things she could do. And it took about 2 days for me to start wanting my own iTouch. Let's face it - Sam had already eaten the leather case off my Nano & in the process had dented the metal case with his teeth. And since I'm the Mom, not only did I want my own iTouch, but I wanted the 32GB version. Which my family got me for Mother's Day. And which I have tremendously enjoyed ever since.

Then, in later May, my laptop at work started dying a slow death. I did a bit of research and discovered that our EMR software could run on an iPad. It didn't take my partner very long to decide that it was time to up our game. So in early June I came in to find an iPad on my desk. We had some growing pains those first few weeks, but now we can't imagine doing Pediatrics without them. And I'm eagerly keeping my eyes open for the iPad - version 2 that's coming out later this year. I may spring for that upgrade myself.

Then to add to my "Apple envy" some of my co-workers and close friends have iPhones, and I have dearly wanted one for about 9 months. Only problem was that I am tied to Verizon. Very. Tightly. Tied. My family, close & extended, are all on that network, so switching to AT&T would have been very painful. Then lo & behold, Verizon announces they're getting the iPhone4. Be still my pounding heart -- what do I have to do to get one?!?! Turns out, my current phone was overdue for an upgrade and as a current user, I could pre-order.

So Feb 3 at 0200am, I was up. Michael was up. The cats, dogs & daughter all stayed asleep however. We logged on and ordered without a hitch. Feb 7th, a beautiful box from Verizon arrived at our house. Tab, being the spoiled rotten tween that she is, managed to talk Dad into getting her an iPhone too, but hers is the 16MB. I got the 32MB, just because. We thought we were obsessed to get up for 2am, but it turns out that Verizon sold out their pre-order phones within 6 hours. So I count myself as crazy & lucky at the same time!

It actually took me most of the week to get it configured and activated. Last weekend was spent checking out apps and tweaking settings. I also went a little nuts getting new ringtones. Seeing as I've had "Mission Impossible" as my main ringer for 8 years, it was probably time for a change.

So this past week has found me & my new iPhone living a symbiotic relationship. I love that small hunk of gadgetry. It's changed my life. Cliche, yes -- but very true. Texting is easier. Calling is easier. Searching for contacts, calendar dates, etc is easier. I love having all my music, facebook, twitter and Evernotes all at my fingertips. It's so much easier to check my email on the fly. I especially love having my Kindle books with me all the time now, too. And interestingly enough, it gives me some common ground to chat with Tabitha. We keep each other up-to-date on new cool apps, etc.

And did I mention that Michael got me a green case for this one too?

So going back to my intro - Michael is becoming resigned to the fact that the Apple lovers in this house, out number him. He's not ready to join us, but I've caught him playing with my apps! ;-)

And because a blog entry, isn't really an entry until there's a photo with it....

 

 

 
 
 
 

 

Continuing down memory lane....

From yesterday. After looking through all the paper bits and scraps I had kept, I ended up with a few piles. [I'm a "pile-r" genetically. I get it from my Dad.] As I examined each patient sticker and my notes, I forced myself to commit it to one of the piles:

1. "Must Write" - this was the collection that with just a few details, I could clearly remember the patient. See their face. Re-live the situation. On a couple, I even had the heart pounding, lump-in-throat sensation all over again. So obviously, these were the patients that even now -- had really meant something to me. Because of my visceral response, these are the ones who really need their stories told.
2. "Stupid Stuff" - This pile evolved when I started to see a pattern that was best described as "Stupid Stuff That Kids Do". This further got broken down into "Bad Luck", "Bad Judgement", and what I like to refer to as the "Crap Shoot" category.
3. "Interesting" - This was the pile that ended up with the unique patients. Like the one & only kid I saw who really had Menke's Disease. These were mostly the oddities, or interesting milestones, like my first "Champagne Tap". I think they were kind of cool -- but the rest of the world out there, maybe not-so-much. Regardless, I couldn't bring myself to trash these notes. So they became pile #3.
4. & 5. were variation on the theme of "volume". I had kept all my pager & call flow-sheets from my senior resident calls. So these notes were filled with tons of admits for diarrhea, dehydration, RSV, asthma, etc. All the basic routine reasons that kids go into the hospital. Ultimately, this ended up being the biggest stack -- but I couldn't bring myself to trash this either. So it went back into the 2 gallon ziploc bag.
5. more volume, even less interesting
6. "Kuddos" - this was the very, very, very small stack of four pieces of paper that were "Atta-boys" or bits of positive reinforcement from three years of residency. I know I have a few others squirrelled away somewhere. But in general, praise was very far & few between in residency.... ["That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger...."]

What I found very illuminating after this exercise was this:

• All together, I probably have at least 25 interesting patient stories to write. In someways, that's more than I thought there would be.
• I also am bemused by what I didn't find.

I started my search through reams of paper today, intent on finding one particular patient's information. Which I never did find. And as I looked and sorted and consolidated tonight, I'm remembering a few other stories and patients, and I still haven't found their notes. Which means they either fell victim to an earlier purge -- or I have more stuff squirreled away that I'll find in the future.

Regardless, it's been an interesting process going back through this stuff. I think I've finally recovered enough from the trauma of residency to cope. Time has blunted my responses enough, that mentally - I don't get "stuck" back in that time.

It turns out that I've grown-up enough as an attending, that I am very comfortable knowing what I know, knowing what I don't know, and knowing how to manage the rest. So I don't feel haunted by all the insecurities that went along with residency.

I already know that it's going to take awhile to get all of this written. It doesn't help that as I work on one story, that triggers memories of others. And we all know my strong tendency to chase down rabbit holes....

Have patience and check back soon....

I tend to be a "here & now" kind-of-girl....

But Tuesday found me re-living my not-so-distant past of medical education & residency. [Relatively speaking....I graduated from medical school in 1999.] 

For the past week I had a strong urge to focus on my writing. I realized that I hadn't blogged in about two weeks, even though I had had some ideas. It was just that time wasn't easily available.

I'm one of those people that when I undertake a project, I tend to hyper-focus all of my attention on the project, until I get it done [or mostly done...  <sigh>]. There are pluses & minuses to this approach. The biggest minus is that I tend to not start until I know that I have a dedicated block of time. And if there's been one thing I've really discovered after motherhood, it's that uninterrupted time is a rarity. Which means I have a lot of projects that I haven't even really started....

So especially when it comes to my thought process and "flow" for writing, I prefer to write when I'm by myself and the house is quiet. [Again a rarity!] This means either when Tab is at school, or late at night when everyone else is sleeping/occupied. So schedule-wise lately, with the snow/ice days, Tab's posse of 1/2 a dozen kids at the house, my clinic schedule, pets underfoot, etc - I really haven't had a chance to hear myself think.

So this Tuesday was a gift.

I got Tab to school, got a large Coke Zero from Sonic, and returned to my desk at home.With nothing on the agenda until 3pm, I used my time to revisit my paper stacks from residency.

Some background:

During residency, every procedure that I performed had to be documented ad infinitum. So knowing this as a medical student, I started keeping track of what I saw, what I did, what I learned, the mistakes I witnessed.... I was a habitual paper pack-rat, noting my observations about medical education the entire time I was going through the process.

By the time I got done with four years of medical school, a year of general internship, and then three years of residency; I had accumulated a huge amount of paper. Since that final graduation, I have schlepped every bit of it, all over the state of Texas. Interestingly [and this is one of many reasons I maintain I had PTSD from residency....] I would know the papers were piled up, but I couldn't get rid of them. And I couldn't get myself to sort or purge them either. So they remained stashed in a file box in the garage, a set of binders in a dining room buffet, and overflowing out of a drawer in my office.

The first great purge probably happened about 2005. Although volume-wise I don't think I actually threw away much. But just the fact that I could let go of anything was a victory.  Then about 2007, I decided that I really wanted that office drawer for something else -- probably scrapbook related. So I managed to trash a bit more. In 2009, I actually went through the whole collection and made some serious progress at getting rid of useless paper. And I started to evaluate what I had in terms of "what would make for good writing material?"

That time around I managed to condense what I kept into a 2 gallon ziploc bag.

So on Tuesday [2011 -- sensing an every-other-year pattern here?] I went through my writing material stash and started to get serious about categorizing what I had. What I ended up with, after 5 hours, was essentially three piles and a whole bunch of ideas.

So I'm going to try to seriously work on writing some of these stories, instead of letting them collect dust in sealed ziploc bags...

Stay tuned....

"I *am* the ingenious Google Girl!"....

Or at least that's the running story line amongst my friends & family.

Turns out that I have a knack for research. I always have. Even in the day of libraries and card catalogs. Nowadays research is a whole heck of a lot easier.

Have I mentioned how much I love the internet? I'm not sure you really appreciate how much I depend on the internet....Just sayin'....I live in fear of power failures.

On a daily basis, or at least multiple times a day, I'm on Google looking something up. Tab came in last night and asked me "What does 'haza' mean?" And my answer was "Dunno - let's Google." [Turns out that "haza" is Yiddish for a variety of "Pig", or sometimes is meant for "Hooray" -- Who knew?]

I use Google for everything:

• Need a recipe -- Yup, Google.
• Need ideas for a Valentine's Day banner from scrapbook supplies -- Yup, Google.
• Latest treatment for Pediatric ulcerative colitis -- Yup, Google.
• How to spell "turbidity" -- Yup, Google.
• What's the best app for printing from the iPhone/iPad? -- Yup, Google.
• What's the toxic dose of chlorphenermine for dogs? -- Yup, Google.
• What are the local movie times for The Green Hornet? -- Yup Google.
• What's the phone number for Brio's? -- Yup, Google.
• How to open the gas cap on my brother's Mustang -- For that one I actually used the owner's manuel.

And that's just this past weekend....

What I've learned so far is that search terms or keywords are, well, Key. If what I'm looking for the first time doesn't come up, I try again. And sometimes to get the results I want, means being more general or being more specific. And if I'm looking for geographically relevant results, adding the zip code is a fast way to narrow the results down.

Growing up I heard the words "Go look it up" with religious regularity from my dad. Only in that era (1970s-1980s) "Looking it up" involved a dictionary, an encyclopedia, and a thesaurus. And the worst part about a research paper was the hours spent in the library; thumbing through the card catalog; hunting down the books and reading lots to get the one bit of information needed.

We've come a long way Baby!

My other favorite part about Google is that they do "Doodles" where the header logo changes to recognize various events. In the past week they've honored the birthdays of Jules Verne & Thomas Edison, as well as Valentine's Day. The beauty of the doodles, is that clicking on them leads one to lots of links all related to that topic. And I love tracking down trivia!

So on that note, I'm off to go research some blog ideas....

 

This month so far....

I've been really working hard to "Move More, Eat Less".

Thus far, the scale really hasn't budged a bit. I started at 162.5lbs and it's fluxed up & down about 1.5 pounds, but there hasn't been any consistent change.

What has changed is that I can tell my stamina is improving.

I started the beginning of the month just dying while trying to walk for just 15 minutes. I can now go for 1 hour, and my time record to date was 72 minutes.

Originally I didn't even think about using the incline feature, but now routinely get to the tilt level of 4 to 6.

Originally I was doing good to reach 2mph. Just a few days ago, I did thirty minutes at 3mph.

The first 1.5 weeks, I had horrible shin splints the longer I walked. Now I have to be on the incline for a long time before I feel it.

I started out at about a 35 minute mile. Today I did a 22 minute mile. I'm aiming for a 20 minute mile. At my peak of fitness in college, [when I was fencing, running and in ballet 3 times a week] I could do a 16 minute mile without blinking.

Now, I did skip a few days here and there. When I went up north to visit family, the treadmill did not go with me. And with 3+ feet of snow, there was No Way I was walking outside. I'm just not that big a glutton for that much punishment. But in total, I managed to workout 20 or so days.

I have reached the point, that when I don't walk, I miss it. Even feeling like crud, sick this weekend, I walked both days.

I really enjoy my time listening to music and jamming to my iTunes mixes. And I've noticed that I really do feel better afterwards. Call it that endorphin high or whatever, but more than once this past month, I started walking just so that I could have an exercise buzz.

I'm sleeping much, much better. And some mornings I actually wake up with some energy. [Of course that may be because we seem to have finally gotten my thyroid levels equalized....]

I have notice that my right hip aches at some speeds & intensities. So at some point, I may have to go visit the ortho doc again. But thus far the knees, ankles & feet seem to be hanging in there.

I did splurge 1/2 way through the month and got another set of Under Armour tights & some exercise tops. And a few days ago I got a heart rate monitor watch. I can tell that in the next few months, I'll have to get a replacement set of shoes. And I think I'll be looking for a higher tech version of my heart rate monitor. That way it can work with my treadmill.

Oh, and after 30 days of drinking Coke Zero 99% of the time, I stopped missing "Real Coke" and I actually like the flavor of Coke Zero better. [Gasp! Horrors! ] And I discovered this weekend that the movie theater we usually go to has Coke Zero "on tap"! How cool is that?!?!

Part of me is really looking forward to summer and the start of swim season. And then there's the part of me that would still like about 20 pounds of me to go away....

I just signed up....

for this class at Big Picture Classes, which will be taught by Stacy Julian. She is one of my favorite teachers and favorite scrapbookers.

I just finished watching the introductory video, and while I'm a bit perplexed -- I am quite excited to be breaking out of my usual methods of scrapbooking.

This may be what I need to get my creative flow back. I'm in a ebb phase at the moment. It's easier to write and take photos and look at other people's projects than it is to actually create something myself. Ah well, this too shall soon pass....

Anyway. I'm excited about this project and now I need to clear some space on my desk to work.

Not much going on....

In my neck of the woods.

Routine day in clinic. Patient of the day was one of my many teenagers today. [Seems like I saw more of the 13-17yo set today than usual.]

Anyway, Jake* was there for a check-up, but really was there because his acne was bugging him. Or more accurately was bugging grandma. Poor guy! I really felt bad when Grandma fessed up that she'd been using rubbing alcohol on his face to clear up his skin. Ouch! I kept repeating in the visit that I just want him to wash his face gently with a mild cleanser. I sure hope she got the point.

So got home this evening to an empty house. Michael & Tab got a wild hair and had signed her up for a Tae Kwan Do 101 class. At a loss for what to do, I got dinner started & hit the treadmill.

It was pretty funny when she got home at 845pm & proceeded to demonstrate what she'd learned tonight. There was this whirling deverish of a white gee spinning around the living room. Lord help us - in apparently 2 belt levels she'll qualify to spar. Mark my words - this will not end well....

And speaking of whirling deverishes, poor little Zoe is finally starting to bounce back, quite literally. Sunday morning she cut her hind paw up in between the toes. Blood all matted up in there. Pure misery. Michael "thought" there might be a problem because she won't walk on it. Dr-Vet-Mom to the rescue. [Really?! I went to medical school for this!?]

Basic first aid later and we nicknamed her "Tripod" for the weekend because she wouldn't walk on the foot. She's just a touch of a drama queen. [Really - I have no idea where she gets this from!] So this evening it was feeling lots better because she hopped twice as I walked in. Just call me Dr Doolittle!

Otherwise, I'm drowning in digital photos. I spent the weekend being photographer to the family and now I need to download, sort and purge. Might I add, I haven't even looked at my own pics of Christmas yet....

That being said, I'm cold and achey, and given my flu exposure these days, I'm going to call it a night early, & go snuggle Merlot and my electric blanket.

Happiness is....

Being home in my office / craft-room with the space heater on full blast. [It's almost like Tahiti in here!]

Michael picking up dinner from Subway so I didn't have to cook or clean up or do emergency grocery shopping.

Knowing I have enough gas in the car tank that I can get to work & back and not stop at the gas station when it's so cold.

Having Sam & Zoe (the puppies) and Merlot (the cat) wandering in & out for pet-pets on demand.

Discovering a whole 1 pound bag of holiday mint dark chocolate M&Ms stashed in my office, that I forgot about.

Getting my charts done before leaving work, so this evening I am guilt-free as I preview music on iTunes

Discovering new groups that I adore, i.e. Lifehouse [which I had always thought was "Lighthouse"], The Script, Bruno Mars, etc. I think I'm also going to haveto get my hands on the latest Taylor Swift album. And I'm loving the feeling of just hitting the "buy" button and spending the last of my iTunes gift cards.

Realizing that even though I was a slouch and exercised NoT a BiT while I was out-of-town, the scale was kind this morning [down 1/2 a pound] and I really did miss my treadmill time. Of course, today I'm just cold & tired & unmotivated [see M&Ms above] so I'm going to give myself a pass & go to bed early. But I am looking forward to getting back into my routine and listening to some new songs while I hit the treadmill. [Note to self - time to start putting together some work-out play-lists....]

Looking at the calendar and knowing that in 14 days I will be pre-ordering my iPhone. :-)

Still snickering about the movie on the plane last night: "Life as We Know It" -- pretty cute romantic comedy, worth the rental.

Looking forward to nephews 5th birthday this weekend. Can't believe they've gotten this big. And looking forward to downloading all my New England photos -- just not tonight.

I am afraid....

The cold has gotten to my brain and I am uninspired.

Besides which, my fingers are almost to numb to type.

I'm crawling under my electric blanket now....

It has been a very frustrating kind of day....

I have been plagued by technology problems all darn day.

I had a brilliant blog post written -- and when I went to save it....PooF! Into the ether it went.

The server at work was not happy about having maintenance done. So we all suffered. And then, in a complete panic-inducing episode this morning, my iPad experienced the "Black Screen of Death". Dramatic? Perhaps. Panic inducing? Yeah baby! The threat of returning to the era of writing prescriptions by hand was enough to cause me to quiver like the Taco Bell Dog.

Today was a day that found me just "off my game".

I was doing OK getting up this morning, but the day went downhill from there.

Ever have one of those moments where you're feeling at peace with the world; all is good. And then BooM! Your confidence is rattled and you just don't recover for the rest of the day? Yup. That was me today.

My boom moment? That'd be making the mistake to step on the scale this morning. Here I was, thinking "Go ME!" My last "real, fully sugared and loaded coke" was last Sunday. For the past 8 days I have been on my treadmill for 30-60 minutes a day. I do my routine 50 stomach crunches every morning, along with a few minutes of yoga. So I was really expecting to see a downward shift in the scale numbers. Uhmmmm? Can you tell yet, that's not what happened? Nope. Went up 1.5 pounds. <sigh> Really? Seriously? I thought giving up "real cokes" was supposed to just have 10 pounds fall off of me like that [snapping fingers].

So in the span of seconds I went from feeling pretty decent & confident to feeling like a failure-to-thrive version of Jabba the Hut. All I could see & feel was the muffin top middle I've accumulated this past year.

You think I'm joking? I very clearly remember being at the beach with the family in August, glancing down, and recoiling in horror as I recognized my paternal grandmother's "batwings" and midriff. But they were on My Body! I've been in a surly mood ever since.

Somehow, when I wasn't watching; my body has gone from being the pretty decent 27 year old version to this traitorous 40 year old version. And I am not happy about the changes. My knees & right hip ache, as does my back - a lot. I've picked up a collection of surgery scars across my belly. My skin and moods seem to be doing the peri-menopausal roller coaster on a weekly basis. I feel like I spend 5/7th of the week, "on the verge of going postal", when actually I'm probably just less tolerant of stupid people. My hair is thinning out on top, as Tabitha is ever delighted to point out at every opportunity. It's gotten much more challenging to thread a needle or clip sutures. and the list goes on & on & on....

So today - After stepping on the scale - It felt like every single annoyance & aggravation I've ever had, all chose today to have a reunion.

On that note -- it's a good time to put this day out of it's misery and go to bed. And I honestly hope, tomorrow goes better....